A duck, I’m just
And waddle I must.
Even at full throttle waddle and thrust
When I go down the road
I don’t kick up dust.
If I do …It ain’t much.
Lucky for me…I’m never that rushed.
It’s not like I’ve got Duck appointments
To be at and such.
I’ll get there some day
In my wobbly way
Cuz …like I say
It’s the topic today
And will be totally discussed
How my oddily made body
Makes waddling a must.
So I’ll never lead a race based on land speed.
I can’t ride a bike, so there goes tri-athlete.
I’m not made to skip rope. I’m no antelope.
I’m such a slow poke. But how fast could you go
If you were built like me…and had to carry a boat?
And my big flat webbed feet may look like a joke
But when it’s time to float…they’re my orange-colored oars.
And they work way better than any feet of yours.
See all the medals I’ve won…from all the records I’ve broke.
I may not be the King of the road
But I’m the Coach (bloke) of the moat!
Then when my belly growls hungry…I’m nowhere to be seen.
Like a transformer…I become a Duck diving machine
An all-weathery… feathery…underwatery being.
Becuz the plants that I like…they grow way down below.
If I wanna go for a bite …I need to go submarine.
Then when I’m thru doin’ my chewin’
It looks like a tornado blew thru the lake bottom
‘Cuz the vitamins I need…when I feed
Them red blue yellow and greens…they’ve got ‘um.
If plants give you the mojo
You need in your gogo
You’ll never be so so
Sorry your mom up up and bought ‘um.
Just do like me…take a deep breath
Dive in and gobble gobble gobble ‘um.
A rainbow of foods inside me you’d see
If I had a belly porthole where people could peek.
At the Yellows and reds, greens and blues things that I eat.
Color’s important. See how my feet match my beak?
I’ve got a Rainbow of power in my belly bank
If you listen, you can hear every cell in me yell, “Thanks.”
(In word bombs from all over duck’s body)
So I high five the plants
For fillin’ my tank
Kids…if you give plants a chance
They’ll wind up your motors and turn all your cranks.
Hey can I go to your school
And be on the swim team?
Do you think I could ask a girl to dance.
I have a waterline…instead of a waistline
So I need like four belts to hold up my pants.
Is there is a chance… I could go …to the dance …with no pants?
Or is that just one more thing…’cuz I’m a Duck…I can’t?
I also can’t three-legged race…play tag …or even chase.
I can’t swing on the swings
Cuz I can’t hold on with my wings.
I can’t ride a bike. I can’t play first base.
But that’s not a reason for you to gripe …and get in my face.
Becuz I can fly …loop the loop… and dive bomb from way high!
And you human kids can’t ! …So don’t even try.
If we would compete in a meet on ways to go bye bye
They’d give me , On Duty Duck, the Blue Ribbon
And a Crown… in my proper duck size
For winnin’ the Whole Wide World Go Bye Bye Prize !
‘Cuz a Duck can go on dry land…or out on the lake.
A Duck can go deep underwater…or as high in the sky as it takes.
So that’s four ways it makes
A Duck can go bye ..bye ..bye ..bye.
Too bad for you humans. Bye. Bye. That’s the breaks.
(Flying duck screeches to a halt)
Why, do you know where I belong?
In the Animal Olympics. In the Quack-ath-e-lon.
I can beat any human. (Runs down broad jump …then flies a little into pit)
Their dog, (Duck does a gymnastic tumbling pass catching frisbee in beak)
And their mom. (Duck performs synchronized swimming moves)
Don’t blink! In a wink
I’m here, then I’m gone.
I rule in the pool …and the sky
But not so much on the lawn. (Duck runs across infield to keep up with runners)
Hey, if I’m like the whole
U.S Air Force and the whole U.S. Navy combined (Duck breathless)
Who cares if I can’t keep up
When the U.S. Army marches… ten hup …double-time?
I’m like the Blue Angels and the Thunderbirds
We do acrobatics high in the clouds
But Ducks can also do double duty
And do a waterski show for that Sea World type crowd
And they’d be wow-ed. (Duck swims so fast, ducklings waterski behind)
And they’d clap …clap …clap ….real loud! (Applause)
When Ducks do a flyby, our moms are so proud !
So here’s the lesson we’re learning today. (Duck as school teacher)
Before you say to others, ” Hey, let’s race!”
Becuz you wrongly assume
That you have the fastest zoom in the room. (Duck at school desk)
Remember me, On Duty Duck
Who, on land, goes waddle-ly slow
But with my Duck wings, I can zoom.
With my Duck paddle feet, I can row.
And when it’s time to dive. (Duck does springboard dive)
Who wins? You know.
Don’t you wish you had my wings
And webbed feet…Instead of those
Humanish things you call “fingers” and “toes”?
Too bad for you. But that’s how it goes.
With all this Duck talent
You’d think Ducks would be
Way way more snooty
And act like the whole world
Has worms…germs …and cooties.
But Ducks have good balance
And all they ever do
That’s like conceited …or snooty
Is shake a tail feather
And show off their Duck booties.
And that’s not so snotty
‘Cuz Ducks don’t do like people
And learn to sit on the potty (Duck tries to get up on potty)
To do their Duck pooties.
So, guess what?
Wherever you see Ducks standin’
You can be sure
They’re standin’ on duty.